I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize