shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
