It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Mom said you looked used
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
