What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
