the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
