Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about my life...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
