dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
