Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just cropdusted the office
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
