were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
