ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I did not marry a roomba.
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