And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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