know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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