false alarm. still invincible.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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