I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
