I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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