I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.