How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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