I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.