Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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