Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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