He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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