yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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