hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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