Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
