wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
