Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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