I'm going to jail i love you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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