dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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