they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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