and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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