I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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