Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
