you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
