Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
