Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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