my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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