In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
