sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
