how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
