I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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