I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
