I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
