Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
