if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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