I wish I could teleport
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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