I look better un-naked...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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