I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
