he thought i was a dude.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
