Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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