take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
