And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
