i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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