I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
