My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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