I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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