My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I didn't notice because vodka
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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