Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
