Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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