And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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