Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
