my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
