Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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