He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
