So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize