I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
