Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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