I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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