I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
