if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
as a side note pls kill me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
