How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
