More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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