maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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