I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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