Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
