No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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