I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
