haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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