I showed him my bush... on skype.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
