what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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