Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
